Archive for November 18th, 2009
Of Mullets and Meth
It’s been over a week and I’m still reeling from the news that my childhood tennis idol, Andre “Rebel” Agassi, was using crystal meth during the height of his early career. A true champion – he couldn’t settle for an addiction to prescription pain killers or even cocaine, the celebrity party-drug of choice. No, he had to reach over the top and go for the most dangerous narcotic available, the one that, when ingested, can up your blood pressure and alter your sense of reality to the point that normal people are mistaken for demon-wolves.
Agassi’s meth use does explain his choice of on-court attire; stone-washed jean shorts, fused with bright pink spandex biker shorts. If drug movies and reruns of Cops are any indicator, that’s basically the American speed freak’s uniform of choice, though the typical Tweaker wouldn’t think to actually COMBINE the spandex undershorts with the denim cut-offs – rather he would just wear them as “separates.” Indeed, Agassi was a visionary, both on and off the court.
The meth also explains Agassi’s full-power mullet. The hairdo seemed to scream, “I love Davey Crockett’s racoon skin hat, but I also like to party, and party HARD.” That the mullet was fake just hammered home in what a bad state Andre was.
I’m glad he’s better now.
