Texas Vol. II
On the morning of day 2 of our visit to “Tejas,” we slipped into White Heat (the name we had given our rental Chevy Malibu) and giddyupped on down to the Houston Space Center. The Space Center was not one building, but rather an enormous campus, which you toured on a trolley with a guide and about 30 other visitors. Below is a photo of one such visitor, surreptitiously taken by Guy. Note that he is fully “sacked up” with a day pack AND fanny pack. Nice. If anyone was going to know more than the tour guide about mission control, it was going to be this cosmonaut:
This gentleman was "sacked up" and ready for his NASA tour
Incidentally, the guided tour of space shuttle mission control, of which a blurry picture is shown below, was very cool.
NASA Mission Control with one non-astronaut blocking my perfect photo
Just as neat was seeing a decommissioned Saturn V rocket – the rocket that was used for most of the Apollo missions of the 1960’s and 1970’s. The Saturn V is staggeringly huge. Laid on its side, it’s about the size of a 30-story office building, or abouthalf the size of the “Monster” burrito I would be served at Freebird’s restaurant in College Station, Texas.
Saturn Rocket
It was all very impressive. There were, however, two personal disappointments with the Space Center: 1) While Ev and Guy, both trained pilots, had flawless landings at their turns with the space shuttle flight simulator, I crashed badly. Twice.
The frustrated author looks on in envy as Pilot Evan comes in for his 2nd smooth landing. Showoff.
2) The gift shop was selling a disturbing amount of Star Wars merchandise. Why does NASA need to sell this in their gift shop? It’s just like the Museum of Natural History selling Flintstone action figures. If you’re an impressionable 9-year-old (or naive 31-year-old), what’s to prevent you from believing, in seeing all the plastic Light Sabres and Darth Vader figurines, displayed next to factual astronomy books, that Star Wars is actually steeped in reality, and things like R2D2 robots and Light Sabres are actually NASA creations? Sure, one could argue, that’s when parenting and education ought to come into play, but it still seems like a bit of selling out on NASA’s part. Also, on a more serious note, the gift shop was selling astronaut freeze-dried ice-cream for $10.99 per packet, which is a gigantic rip-off.
All that said, it was an excellent first-hand view of the space program, and we felt like we had fulfilled our educational needs for the trip. Now it was time to get “crunk” with Willie Nelson.
About 90 miles north of Houston was our next destination: College Station, Texas: home of Texas A & M (Go Aggies!) and, on that day, a Willie Nelson outdoor concert. We dropped our bags off at the Holiday Inn, and walked* over to the Wolf Penn Amphitheater fairgrounds, where there were 3 events taking place on that day: The main event was the Willie Nelson concert, with special guest opening act “.38 Special,” a 1980’s bar rock band famous for a string of power-ballad hits (or perhaps just one hit, I’m not even sure). The other two events were a BBQ competition and a competition to see whose dog could jump the farthest off a dock and into a pond. Yeah, that‘s a thing. Unfortunately, we’d arrived too late to witness either the BBQ cook-off or any airborne canines, and Guy was inconsolable about missing the dogs (2 of Guy’s favourite things are dogs that can jump real high, and dogs that wear sunglasses).
*A quick note about walking anywhere in College Station, Texas: it’s just not done. The lady at the front desk of the Holiday Inn acted as if we had death wishes in considering walking from the hotel to the fairgrounds, which turned out to be a 15 minute stroll. No joke, she looked at us as if we’d intended to scale Everest in shorts and flip flops. It explains a lot about the epidemic of obesity in Middle America.
When we did get to the amphitheater, we immediately knew we’d be in good hands, because the first thing we saw past the ticket booth was a cart selling homemade beer koozies. A beer koozie (or “schnootzie”, or “beer cozy”) is the soft thermos you slip onto your beverage in order to keep your drink at optimal serving temperature. They are made of various synthetic, insulating materials, and the best versions usually come printed with either a witty saying (my favourite: “But these ARE my dress clothes!!!”), or a depiction of majestic wildlife. Going to an outdoor country music concert without a koozie in tow is akin to showing up for a high-noon showdown at the OK Corral with an empty six-shooter – though at least at the OK Corral, you’d be put out of your misery pretty quickly.
A random photo of the coolest thing I've ever scene attached to a tow hitch. G.I. Joe is apparently alive and well, and he likes to go fan boating after eating some BBQ. Booya.
As for the BBQ, while we did miss the competition, we decided we had to try to find a way to score some leftovers from one of the teams that were still milling around the designated RV/trailer area. It was quite the scene, with RV’s and pickups as far as the eye could see, each with picnic tables, lawn chairs, competition-grade BBQ smokers, the odd swamp boat (shown above), and “washers” games in full swing*, not to mention the sweet, bewitching aroma of homemade BBQ permeating the air.
BBQ Nirvana
Sure enough, we found one BBQ team – and they were definitely a team, sporting matching hunting camouflage uniforms- who graciously offered us a few plates of their competition-grade smoked BBQ brisket. It was easily the best brisket I’d ever had (sorry Grandma Betty). We also chatted with a nice, middle-aged Texan, who worked as an energy researcher for the state, and offered us a pretty compelling argument against clean burning coal and, quote, “that hybrid automobile bullshit.” Point taken, sir!
*FYI “washers” is a game of skill whereby a player must toss a small round metal ring (a washer) from a set distance into one of 3 assigned holes. It combines the intensity of lawn darts, the skill of bocce, the camaraderie of team sport, and the adrenaline rush of…right, that’s going a bit far, but it appeared to be a fun way to pass the time before intoxication set in and/or one was ready for another heaping plate of BBQ.
After thanking Team Camo for their generous hospitality, we exited the RV area and found for ourselves an agreeable patch of grass for prime Willie Nelson watchin’.
On the road again...
Here are 3 quick facts about Willie Nelson on tour:
1) he has a surprising amount of energy for a man of his advanced age.
2) He does not do encores – the man gets it right the first time around.
3) The side of Willie’s tour bus has the best air-brushed mural I have ever seen, and I consider myself a connoisseur of this art form: it was a depiction of a head-dressed Indian chief atop his steed, and that horse was mounting a mare. Yes, it was awesome. See below for grainy picture.
Best. Airbrushed mural. EVER.
The other genuine surprise of the concert was what we saw between .38 Special and Willie Nelson’s performances, where one might have expected the organizers to have shoe-horned in a local bluegrass act or perhaps a lassoing demonstration. Instead, a DJ piped in Daft Punk’s “Robot Rock” at full blast, while a person appeared on stage, dressed entirely in LED lights, “shooting” lasers at the crowd. Think of a glow-in-the-dark Michelin Man, and you have the idea. Holy hell, it was amazing. Daft Punk robo-hijinks serving as an intro for Willie Nelson seemed about as likely to happen as a ninja fight scene erupting in the middle of a Jane Austen novel. But it happened. And we were there. Was the effect amplified by the countless Budweiser “Tall Boys” we had been downing over the 6 hours we had been there? That’s hard to say. But show me a grown man who isn’t still impressed by a laser-shootin’ robot, and I’ll show you a liar.
OMG LASER ROBOTS!!!!
Anyhow, the night ended well indeed. Some friendly locals took us on a night tour of College Station. There was two-steppin’ at Daisy Duke’s, there was tomfoolery in Bottle Cap Alley outside the Dixie Chicken, there were wild, drunken promises made to ride horses all the way back to Canada. All in all, it was a good day.
Stay tuned for Vol. III – bat swarms, guns, and beer-fueled tubing down the Guadalupe river…
